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NORTH PARK – Some dude was struttin’ so tough down 30th near University Ave. this afternoon that a hecka tight bass line followed him everywhere he went, witnesses reported.

“Home boy was ballin’ like Mr. T,” said Haylie Basch, 25, who was drinking a cup of coffee when dude cruised by.  “I mean, muthafucka was truckin’!  The cosmos would have been plain stupid not to have kicked out the jams.”

“The only other time I saw something like this was when Rick James was still with us,” said street musician Bobby Reynolds, 53.

The little-understood phenomena, called Cosmiphonjambolosis, is extremely rare and often occurs in conjunction with St. Elmo’s Fire, Scientists say.

“We received no reports of St. Elmo’s Fire, or ‘ball lighting,’ today,” said Cosmiphonjambologist Mickey H. Krupp.  “But so what?  That jam was tight!”

Scientists are currently refining a technique for capturing Cosmic Strut Jams using high-powered lasers and so-called “Star Wars” satellite technology.  Krupp hopes to inaugurate an online Cosmiphonjambology radio station by late summer.

“We all have a jam inside of us.  But you’ve got to silence the mind to hear it,” said Krupp.  “You’ve got to be a baller.”

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